inhale. exhale. cleanse.
november 21 // 9:30 am // 1847 7th street nw, wdc // $10
pic via black girl in om
it felt as though i’d been tired for days, for months…maybe i’d been tired all year, maybe even longer.
i remember waking up one morning in the middle of june, in a flood of tears. the migraine i had struggled with the night before still raging like a storm in my head, and my chest still skipping off-beat from the panic attack i’d fought with the week before. as i rolled over in bed, sobbing uncontrollably at the thought of having to face another day, another dozen or more emails, hundreds of texts and several other “urgent” demands on my time, i realized that i needed to make some very *urgent* and intentional energetic shifts in order to regain a sense of balance in my life. i knew then that for the sake of my own well-being – and life – i needed to slow down, stop and catch my breath. i needed to do things differently.
as an activist and someone that’s been involved in social-justice-community organizing for many years, it’s hard to explain what it means to suffer from “systematic exhaustion.” though my body and mind felt weak and drained almost daily, i often felt shrouded by feelings of guilt for my tiredness. the moment i would start admitting the need to rest, i would hear myself saying really quite, destructive things like – “there are so many other people out there who have things a whole lot worse than you do,” “just keep going” and “you can do it.” being relatively young made it even more complicated – because who the hell was i to be feeling so tired at 30?
…and that’s when i decided to take a moment to pause.
i needed to be with myself alone in the cool, dark, quiet of dawn, outside among the trees and flowers, in the ocean, in my kitchen boiling ginger and lemongrass and chopping garlic. i needed to be in all of these places in order to release myself of all of the guilt, pain and anguish that i was feeling – and the ridiculous need to compare myself to others.
…and it was in those moments of revolutionary quiet that i found myself making decisions such as taking time off from work (and being unavailable and offline), shifting to part-time work to give my creative self the time and space that it needed, learning to say things like “no” (thank you) and being able to respond with “yes, but i will need some time for that.” i found myself reaching out to my various communities of care and sister circles saying– “i need your support” and “i need to be held.”
there is no shame in creating the space, and making time in order to allow yourself to heal. admitting the need for rest and prioritizing wellness does not make you any less of a “great” human being (or an activist). in fact, it speaks to the heart of self-preservation and revolutionary love, something that black women like toni cade bambara and audre lorde wrote so fiercely about.
taking the time out to heal and be well is one of the greatest gifts we could ever give ourselves and our communities. truth be told, i’m still figuring out what true balance looks and feels like – but these days i’ve been waking up feeling lighter, and with more of the sun in my eyes.
photo (iphone) credit: sabriya simon and amina doherty | graphic credit: politics & fashion
amina doherty is a nigerian feminist artivist whose work focuses on feminist philanthropy and creative arts for advocacy. she is passionate about art, travel, photography, fashion and writing. she lives and works from kingston, jamaica. you can tweet her at @sheroxlox.
sometimes i get tired of public speaking. TIHHED. as an attorney and activist, i’m given the opportunity often, and each time i’m as nervous as the first. what gets me through? whether i’m preparing to argue in court or speak to a group of young people, i constantly ask God to speak through me. i feel God did just that with ava duvernay’s sxsw speech — her words spoke to so many parts of my life. here’s what ava taught me:
1. “if your dream only includes you, it’s too small.” how will you serve others? we all have a piece of sand to add to the scale of humanity.
2. “when the light is on you, what do you do to take it in and be nourished by it?” humility has its place, but when it’s your opportunity to shine enjoy it, dwell in it. let your soul be cleansed by the benefits of hard work.
3. “give your attention to your intention.” set a purpose and work at it unapologetically, giving it all of your attention.
4. “we don’t see things how they are. we see things how we are.” our perceptions are our realities and if we perceive ourselves as small, we’ll never achieve our intended greatness.
5. “don’t limit your dream with the small stuff. go beyond external motivation.” ava described the external motivators that were behind her first two feature films. when writing and directing king, her sole focus was on serving the story; she believes that intention shaped its huge success. again, if your dream only includes you, it’s too small.
watch the video. be empowered.
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